the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize