dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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