You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
