I hate your face
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
