That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
