I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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