Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
