I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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