Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
