matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
