one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
