Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize