you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
