cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
