According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
