the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
