If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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