sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize