So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
