this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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