she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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