Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
