I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
