Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
