yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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