clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
