my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
