OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
