PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this will be a night to untag.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
