I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
