I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
