Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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