so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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