My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
