Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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