Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
