What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
