look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
