Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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