Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize