Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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