Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
