All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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