he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
