Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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