Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
