Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
