Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You have to summon your inner elephant
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
