I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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