Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
