Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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