I wanna bring you to show and tell
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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