I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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