He is an equal opportunity slut.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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