Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My ATM looks so different sober.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
