i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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