If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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