You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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