dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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