I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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