I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
