you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
