how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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