Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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