I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
