i think i have two assholes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
