oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
