i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
