I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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