plz talk dirty to me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
